The Ring on My Finger

My ring

After 46 years, almost 47, my wedding ring is no longer on my left ring finger. On Saturday, my husband John died peacefully at home with his family around him. Cancer is a bitch. Not only have I lost a companion and best friend, I am also now a widow.

My mother kept her wedding and engagement rings from the marriage to my father on her left finger until she died. She was widowed twice, once in world war two and once a month before my own wedding. The first set of rings she gave to Bob’s mother as they had only been married a few months. The second set she wore for 27 years after my Dad died of cancer. Cancer is a bitch.

I have decided to move my rings to my right hand ring finger. A google search told me that widows create pendants from their rings, wear them around their neck, move them to another finger, or keep wearing them on their left hand. Occasionally rings are put in the coffin of the spouse. I do not believe in putting jewelry in the ground. My daughter wore my mother-in-law’s ring during her marriage. Her marriage is ending in the usual way these days, by separation.

I did not realize how many times my thumb touched my wedding ring these last few months. Now it goes to touch a ghost and there is the indent of 46 years. I never took my plain wedding ring off, not even in the shower.

The ring on my right hand seems odd, a little tight and heavy. It seems sad. I wonder if I should take it off and have naked fingers like I did in the 1970s when I met my husband.

I will keep it on my right ring finger. Over the years of working, I collected a lot of lovely rings. My engagement and wedding rings will continue to join them.

Due to COVID, John’s obituary and funeral will be a little delayed. There will only be 7 family members at it. I will post his obituary and the livestream of his funereal when the arrangements are final. A reception will be held when the pandemic is over. Thank you for all your condolences.


6 responses to “The Ring on My Finger

  1. Christiane Sadeler

    Thank you for your courage to write. Death is often a taboo topic and it takes courage to make it otherwise. I did not know about widows moving the rings to a different finger but the image of absence on your left hand is powerful and truly sad. I cannot imagine the loss you must be feeling after almost 47 years. My heart goes out to you!

  2. What a beautiful write up! Brought tears to my eyes 🥲❤️
    Take care Jane!

  3. I am so sorry, Jane. Praying for you and your family today. , and sending love to you.

  4. Birgit Lingenberg

    May God shine on you and your family during this difficult time. Looking forward to watching the live stream.

  5. margaret hendley

    Beautifully written Jane. So heartfelt and so sad.
    maggie hendley

  6. Jeanne Church

    My heart aches for you Jane and look forward to when can give you a physical hug, rather than just a virtual one. This is so beautifully stated. Hopefully that ghost will provide gentle reminders of 46+ years of amazing memories and give comfort.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s